For women who are taller than average, height can become a focus of other people’s comments and expectations about dating. Ana, Miriam, Carla, Isabel and Clara say they have faced reactions ranging from men’s reluctance to date them to pressure to avoid heels. Some have also found themselves drawn to taller men, despite questioning the convention behind that preference.
Amparo Lasén, a gender sociologist at the Complutense University of Madrid, describes the expectation that men should be taller and more physically imposing as part of a “gender choreography.” In her account, men are taught to embody strength and protection, while a taller woman can be seen as making her male partner appear less masculine. Lasén says men who contacted her online had sometimes wanted to meet only where others would not see them because of her height.
Ana, 34, is 1.85 metres tall. She says she rejected shorter boys as a teenager, but later realised that her discomfort was about how she felt beside them rather than about the boys themselves. She now lists her height on dating apps and says she has been contacted by men both taller and shorter than her. Although she has generally considered being tall an advantage, she still encounters unsolicited remarks and people who say they feel intimidated around her.
Miriam, 31, is 1.78 metres tall and says comments about her height and prospects of finding a partner have followed her since childhood. She believes such remarks could harm people with lower self-esteem. Miriam says she is attracted to men taller than herself and recognises that this preference may reflect the gender expectations she grew up with. She sees signs of change, but says the idea that a man should be the taller partner remains far from being widely accepted.
Carla Roqueta, 29, is 1.81 metres tall and says she sometimes encountered men on dating apps who overstated their height. She does not mind dating shorter men, but says some have asked her not to wear heels. She sees those comments as a sign of fragile masculinity. Roqueta also says she experiences dating women differently, describing those interactions as less focused on height and traditional gender roles.
Isabel Rodríguez, 24, is 1.78 metres tall. She recalls that boys in her adolescence did not want to date someone taller than them. Although she has noticed that some men remain uncomfortable with the difference, she admits she would rule out people under 1.70 metres, adding that the stereotype can influence women too.
Clara Chicón, 38, is 1.77 metres tall and says she has had relationships with shorter men. Even so, she has heard comments suggesting she should not wear heels when going out with a shorter partner. She says she sees taller women more often in Berlin, where she lives now, than she did in Spain, though she has also seen people point them out in public.
The experiences helped inspire Eloi Rodríguez to create Tall People Club, a community that has held gatherings in Barcelona, Madrid and Valencia. At its first party for tall people in Spain, held in Barcelona, entry was limited to women over 1.72 metres and men over 1.82 metres. Roqueta recalls enjoying an evening where people wore heels and height was not a point of scrutiny.
Lasén says changing the convention requires more than individual choices, because some men experience a taller female partner as a challenge to their masculinity and worry about how other men will see them. Chicón, meanwhile, hopes that greater visibility of different body types and couples will help shift expectations.
Sources: elDiario.es.